


'til there was you

by pdameron



Series: Bey's Bakes [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bakery, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Marriage Proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-26
Updated: 2016-02-26
Packaged: 2018-05-23 10:00:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6113038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pdameron/pseuds/pdameron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Poe bought a ring three months after he and Finn started dating.</p><p>(aka: Poe wants to marry Finn but he's insecure as hell)</p>
            </blockquote>





	'til there was you

**Author's Note:**

> Let's play a game called: how many musicals can the author reference?
> 
> shout out to gammadolphin for being my beta!
> 
> edit May 2016: someone pointed out a typo and i COULDN'T HANDLE IT

 

Poe had bought a ring three months after he and Finn started dating. Somehow, he’d known. He’d known, even then, that he was going to spend the rest of his life with the younger man, if Finn would have him. He’d been waiting for the right moment to propose, but it hadn’t presented itself yet.

Every morning, when he went through his dresser to get his clothes, his eyes would fall on that small blue box, and he’d pause. But every morning, it didn’t seem right, not yet.

So this morning when Poe looked at that ring, he closed the drawer just as he always did. It still wasn’t the right time, he felt.

He’d spent the morning making pies in the back room while Jess handled the register, although every time he poked his head out to check on the shop, she was flirting with her girlfriend, Rey. When he finally finished his last batch, around noon, he came out front to hang at the counter with Rey and Jess.

“-and then Han said: ‘You like that I’m a scoundrel.’ You know what the General did? She elbowed him in the gut. She was blushing, though. Man, they’re adorable.”

Jess snorted at Rey’s story. “Yeah, that’s one way to put it.”

Rey glared at Jess. “Some people express their love differently than others, _Jessika_. Poe, for example, spent eight months expressing his love through baking until Finn finally got the hint.”

“I think what made Finn get the hint was when he bought him his fucking office, Rey.”

“You have no sense of romance.”

Jess smirked. “That’s not what you said last night, honey.”

Poe choked on the coffee he’d been drinking, and Rey blushed furiously, throwing her muffin at Jess. She was just starting to berate her when the door opened and Finn walked in, a tall, gangly man following him.

They sat at the counter next to Rey, and Finn introduced his companion to the group.

“Guys, this is Slip. We used to work together at First Order, before I left. He’s my new client.”

They all gave their greetings, then Slip spoke up. “Yeah, I got fired a few months ago. Finn represented a friend of mine, so I called him up to see if he could help with a wrongful termination suit.” He gave Finn a friendly pat on the shoulder. It was too friendly for Poe’s taste.

Slip stayed for lunch, laughing just a little too hard at Finn’s jokes, being just a little too touchy, his hand lingering on Poe's boyfriend's arm. Poe normally wouldn’t care: Finn was a beautiful man, and people flirted with him all the time. Poe could hardly blame them, having fallen for Finn’s charms himself. The point is, Poe wasn’t a jealous person. He just wasn’t. But this…

This wasn’t quite jealousy.

Slip knew Finn pretty well, had worked with him at First Order, before Poe had even _met_ the other man. Slip was a lawyer himself, and actually understood the jargon that made Poe’s brain hurt, and the dumb law jokes that Finn made that often sailed right over Poe’s head. Slip made Finn laugh, and he was an open book: no mess, no complications.

So no, he wasn’t feeling jealous: he was feeling insecure.

Slip was an easy, friendly guy, with no blatantly obvious baggage, who wasn’t shy about showing Finn how much he liked him. If Finn hadn’t quit and met Poe, they probably would have ended up dating at some point.

He knew Finn loved him, it was just - wouldn’t someone like Slip be better for the younger man? Someone who could give him what he needed, who wouldn’t be so needy, so reliant on his support? Someone closer to his age, who wasn’t broken and world-weary like Poe?

Poe left the two men to their conversation, electing to work the register during the lunch rush. He distracted himself by entertaining the kids that came in with their parents, handing out some free cookies and bringing BB out to play with them. Dogs and kids: there was no better way to distract Poe.

He looked up occasionally at Finn and Slip: sometimes, Slip would have his hand on Finn’s arm, brushing up against him. Other times, Finn would be looking at Poe with a fond expression, giving him a little wink when their eyes met. That soothed Poe’s nerves a bit.

When the two men got up to go back to the office, Finn leaned across the counter to give Poe a kiss. Poe didn’t fail to notice the way Slip’s expression fell at the sight. He smirked.

Okay, so maybe he’d been a little jealous.

Sue him.

 

*************

 

Poe woke with a strangled scream, shooting upright from where he’d been lying next to Finn. His breath came in shallow pants, and he couldn’t seem to stop shaking. The flashbacks were always difficult to deal with; but the nightmares, the ones where Finn was in Poe’s place, were sometimes too much to bear.

He was vaguely aware of Finn sitting up next to him, and so he didn’t startle when he felt cautious hands start to rub his back, petting his hair. Poe sighed, rubbing his eyes with trembling hands. His chest was tight and his eyes were stinging and he couldn’t breathe and-

Finn pulled him back down, cradling his head to his chest. He held Poe there, let him listen to the steady thrum of his heartbeat, the even rise and fall of his breath. Eventually, Poe felt his panic settle, and he burrowed further into Finn’s chest, crying softly, despite himself.

Finn rested his cheek against Poe’s hair, murmuring gentle words of comfort and love. Poe wept quietly for some time, shaking in Finn’s arms. Over and over he found himself mumbling; “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

 

*************

 

That morning, it was Poe’s turn to cook breakfast, while Finn went out and walked BB. Perhaps being left alone to his thoughts wasn’t the best thing for Poe, as when Finn came back in the first thing out of his mouth was:

“Slip wants you, you know.”

“Oh?” Finn responded absentmindedly, not looking up from where he was untying his shoes. “I hadn’t noticed.”

“Yeah,” Poe was quiet for a moment, before continuing hesitantly. “You know, if you were with Snap, you wouldn’t have to stay up all night with him after a nightmare.”

Finn laughed. “No, I probably wouldn’t,” he stood up, leaning over to give Poe a peck on the cheek. “But you’re worth every sleepless night.”

Poe pulled away from the stove, leaning against the counter next to it. “I’m just saying that, if you wanted to take the easy way out, I wouldn’t hold it against you.”

Finn paused, putting down the newspaper he’d been skimming. “Poe, what are you talking about?”

“My whole... me... is a lot to deal with, I know. It’s a lot to ask of someone so young, to just wait for me to get better and endure this traumatic shit with me until then.” Poe tried to sound casual, like he was simply making an observation. Unfortunately, the way his hands were trembling gave him away.

Finn stared at Poe incredulously. “Poe, where did all this even come from?”  
Poe couldn’t bear to look at Finn, staring at a point on the wall behind him.“Look, I don’t want you to hold on out of some sense of loyalty or -”

“POE. I’m not going to leave you, not for Slip, not for anybody,” Finn paused, and Poe could tell he was starting to get angry. “Are - are you _jealous_ of Slip? Because if you think I would cheat on you -”

“I don’t. You’d never, I know. It’s just, wouldn’t he be easier? Wouldn’t you be happier in a _normal_ relationship?”

Finn let out an irritated huff. “I don’t _want_ normal, Poe, I want you! Get that into your head. You don’t get to choose what makes me happy. You don’t get to choose what’s best for me,” he said indignantly. He started pacing, irritated, before throwing up his hands in agitation. “If you don’t trust me by now, if you don’t trust that this is where I want to be, then I don’t know what else I can -”

“Finn, just look at me!” Poe cut him off with a shout, near tears. “I’m a mess of a person, and you might love me now, but there’s only so much a person can put up with before they decide it’s not worth it anymore.”

At this, Finn stopped pacing, staring at Poe in shock. He chose his next words very carefully, although there was still an undercurrent of frustration in his tone. “Poe, if I didn’t want this, if I didn’t think you were worth it, then we wouldn’t be having this fight in the first place. If I didn’t want this, want _you_ , then I wouldn’t be standing here now. But I _do_ , Poe. _I do_.” Finn went to hold Poe, but he backed away. He winced at the hurt look on Finn’s face at the action.

“You don’t know, Finn. You can’t - I’m - “

“God damn it Poe! Stop treating me like I’m something to be afraid of!” Finn yelled. Poe froze. Finn never yelled. He was one of the most level-headed people he knew. He’d really upset the other man, hadn’t he? Finn took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. “Tell me what to do here, what you need me to do. I’m trying to be here, to help, but I can’t do that if you don’t _let_ me.”

Poe swallowed past the growing lump in his throat. He couldn’t let go of this, not yet. “What do you want, Finn? What exactly are you getting out of this relationship? What exactly is it that you see in a broken and bruised and fucked up vet that you can’t find in someone else?”

Finn stared at him, searching his face. “Poe, if you weren’t the perfect, ‘broken, mess’ that you are, if you weren’t _exactly_ the way you are now, I’d never have loved you at all.”

This time, when Finn moved toward Poe, the older man walked away and to the door.

“I can’t do this right now, Finn. I’m sorry, I just - I’m gonna go start today’s bakes. I’ll see you later?”

At Finn’s wordless nod, he went downstairs into the shop.

 

**************

 

Poe had spent the entire morning in a fog, still reeling from his fight with Finn.

They _never_ fought. Over a year they’d been together, and the most they’d had were a few heated arguments that resolved themselves fairly quickly.

This was different.

Poe had laid bare all the insecurities he’d been feeling, all the doubts he’d had about their relationship, and Finn hadn’t run away.

 _Poe_ had.

God, he felt like such a jackass. He shouldn’t have just unloaded on Finn like that, made him feel like a bad boyfriend. Finn had been nothing but good and sweet and loyal to him, and Poe had thrown that in his face. Finn hadn’t done anything to deserve that kind of treatment, that kind of doubt.

Jess had come in that morning to find Poe crying in the back room over a batch of freshly peeled peaches. She’d sat him down, given him a warm cup of coffee, and listened to Poe as he told her what had happened. She’d given him a sweet kiss on the cheek before smacking him upside the head. At his indignant face, she’d shrugged.

“You’re my best friend, and I’m sorry that you’re upset, but you could have avoided this if you’d just talked to Finn about the doubts you were having _before_ Slip showed up. _Communication_ , Poe. It’s not that difficult.”

He’d glowered at her as she went to the front, opening the bakery for him. She had called back to him after a while, telling him that if he was going to mope all morning, he might as well do some baking. So he had.

And now here he was, staring at that same batch of peaches. Peaches were Finn’s favorite. Maybe if Poe made him an extra big cobbler as an apology...

“How’s that angsting going?”

Poe’s head shot up from where he’d been staring at the fruit. He’d been so wrapped up in his guilt that Finn had walked into the back room without him noticing.

He checked his watch: where had the morning gone? It was already one o’clock. Finn must have come in for lunch, like he always did.

Finn came up behind him, wrapping his arms around Poe’s middle. He rested his head against Poe’s shoulder, before giving him a chaste kiss to the back of his neck. Poe breathed out slowly, leaning back into the embrace. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, ashamed of himself for having doubted Finn.

Finn turned Poe around in his arms so they were facing each other.

Taking Poe’s face in his hands, Finn gave him a hard look. “Now listen to me, hotshot. I don’t regret a single moment I’ve spent with you, and I won’t let you either.”

Poe sighed, resting his forehead against Finn’s. “What if I try to back out again? What if I get scared, and try to push you away?”

Finn smiled, giving Poe a soft kiss. “Well then, anywhere you go, let me go too. I’ll be right there with you.”

 

***************

 

They spent Finn’s lunch hour baking together, sharing slow, sweet kisses at every opportunity. They burned an entire batch of muffins, but it was kind of worth it.

When he said his goodbyes to Finn, he didn’t bother to point out the floured handprint on the seat of his pants. Finn knew the risks of making out in the back room. It was his own fault.

Jess went on her lunch break, now, going over to the garage to spend the hour with Rey. While she was gone, Poe was left to mind the register and deal with customers. He did all this absentmindedly, deep in thought:

Finn wanted this, wanted him. He’d seen Poe at his worst, dealt with Poe’s angst and bullshit, and still wanted him. Finn, who deserved the stars and the moon and the sun and the sky all at once, had chosen him.

And Poe, _god_ , Poe was sure that all he ever wanted was to wake to Finn’s smiling face every morning for the rest of his life. To reach a hand out and know that Finn would hold on just as tight as him. To drown in Finn, and never want to come up for air.

And just like that, he decided. He was going to propose tonight, after closing.

 

****************

 

Finn walked in at 6:00, just as he always did. Poe gave Finn a quick kiss from the register, just as he always did. He pulled out a slice of pie for him, just as he always did.

But his hands were trembling and he was sweating nervously: that wasn’t part of the routine. Finn, ever the observant one, reached over the counter to grasp his hand.

“Are you alright? You look nervous.”

Poe smiled tightly. He just had to play it cool until closing, when they could be alone. He could manage that. “Yeah. I’ve just got a lot on my mind, is all. You know...taxes.”

Finn raised a brow. “Taxes?”

“Yeah. Taxes.”

“Poe, it’s May. Tax Day was last month.”

“It’s never too soon to start preparing.”

Finn stood up, walking over to Poe cautiously. “Poe. Why are you lying? Did something happen? I thought we were okay after this afternoon.”

At Finn’s sudden hesitance, Poe swore. This was the opposite of what he wanted.

He turned to the two customers in the shop, hurrying over. “Okay, I need you guys to leave. I’m so sorry, but I need to lock up early,” they laughed, thinking Poe was joking. “No, seriously, leave. Come back tomorrow and I’ll give you an entire pie for free. But right now, you need to get out.”

They left, bemused, and Poe slammed the door closed behind them, locking it quickly.

“Okay, okay. I can do this. This is fine,” he muttered to himself, pacing for a bit while he worked up his courage. Finally, he stopped, looking at a confused Finn.

God, Poe loved him.

He walked over, kissing him firmly, before pulling the blue velvet box, the one that had been sitting at the bottom of his underwear drawer for nearly a year, out of his pocket. He started to kneel down -

“What are you doing right now?”

Poe froze, horrified. “I - oh. I thought -  I was gonna propose, but if you -”

“NOT IF I PROPOSE TO YOU FIRST,” Finn shouted, sprinting into the back room, leaving a completely baffled Poe behind him.

He went after Finn (at a much slower pace), and walked through the open door, only to see his boyfriend rooting through the freezer, of all things.

“Finn - “ He cut himself off at Finn’s glare, taking a seat on the baking table while he waited.

“Motherfucking - shit - aha!”  Finn pulled out a bag of frozen lima beans from the back of the freezer.

“Finn, what the fuck.”

Finn didn’t answer, but instead unzipped the bag and pulled out a small velvet box. “You hate lima beans,” he said with a sheepish grin.

Poe stared at Finn, completely dumbfounded. When had he found the time to hide that there? Then, without saying a word, he ran back into the shop. Like hell he was gonna let Finn propose before he did.

Finn chased after him, shouting his name. Poe skidded to a halt in the doorway, Finn crashing into him. He vaulted over the counter, running to the other side of the shop.

“Ha! Try and propose now, asshole!”

Finn smirked. “Marry me, jackass,” he yelled, chucking the ring box at Poe. He caught it on instinct, and Finn crowed victoriously. “I win!”

Poe scowled. “Did you just throw _my engagement ring_ at my head?”

Finn froze. “Okay, I admit, it wasn’t as romantic as I’d planned. But I still proposed first.”

“You threw it _at my head_.”

“Yeah, and you haven’t looked at it yet.”

Poe paused, giving Finn one last half-hearted glare before opening the box, taking a good look at the ring inside. He gasped softly, forgetting his annoyance. It was beautiful, a simple deep gold band with an inscription on the inner rim:

 

_you should be loved, in the way I love you._

 

Two dark shoes came into his line of sight, and Poe lifted his eyes to see Finn standing before him, a gentle smile on his face. “I got it this morning, after we had our argument. I went to the first jewelry store I found, and picked out a ring.”

“...you went out and bought an engagement ring the same day as our first fight?”

Finn smiled, cupping Poe’s face in his hands and giving him a soft kiss. “Yeah. I did. You don’t seem to understand: you’re it for me, Poe. The more uncertain you were, the more sure I got. I got that ring right today, because - because - “ Finn paused, as if he couldn’t find the right words. “- When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

Poe’s throat went tight, and he felt his eyes begin to fill with tears. He threw himself at Finn, wrapping his arms around the other man’s neck, laughing and crying all at once. They stood there for some time, Poe burying his face in Finn’s neck, while Finn clung to Poe for dear life.

Finn pulled back after a while, leaning his forehead against Poe’s. Poe noted that he was teary-eyed as well. “Well? What do you say?”

“What - oh. _Oh_ . Yes. Oh god, _Finn_ , _yes_.”

Finn beamed, grabbing Poe around his middle and swinging him round. He put Poe down and grabbed the box out of his hand. Finn was on his knees in a heartbeat, holding the ring out to Poe.

Poe gave him his left hand and - there. He was engaged. _They_ were engaged. He grinned, going to pull Finn up to kiss him again, when -

Holy shit. Poe’s box, the one that contained his ring for Finn, was on the floor behind the younger man. He’d completely forgotten about it. He’d forgotten about everything once he’d seen his ring, if he was being honest.

He walked over, scooping it up and turning to Finn.

“My turn,” he said, getting down on one knee next to Finn, who was still on the ground where he’d left him. He took a deep breath. Here goes nothing.

“I never knew,” Poe began, looking down at the box in his hands nervously, “I never knew what I was missing. I thought, if I stayed in my own little corner, in my own little world, that I would be safe, and I wouldn’t get hurt the way I was before, and I would be happy. But then... there was you. You came along, and you made me feel like I could fly again, and I’d never come down to earth after. God, Finn, you - you made me a whole person. I can’t make any promises about what the future holds, but I can promise you this: I love you less tonight than I will tomorrow morning. Yesterday I thought I couldn't love you any more, but here we are.”

Poe went to continue but he suddenly found himself sprawled on the floor, a tearful Finn on top of him. He’d launched himself at Poe, cutting off his beautiful, well planned speech. “Finn, I practiced that speech for months, and you ruined it.”

Finn ignored him. He pulled Poe into a deep kiss, so filled with emotion that it took his breath away. “It was perfect. You were perfect. Now give me that ring.”

Poe grinned, sitting up. He handed the box over to Finn, letting him look at the ring. It was the same dark gold as his own, but the inscription was different. It had taken Poe months to figure out just what he’d wanted to say, what he needed to express. Eventually, he had gone for the truth, and asked the jeweler to engrave a short, simple phrase:

 

_how lucky I am, to be in love with you._

**Author's Note:**

> "When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible" is a quote from When Harry Met Sally, my favorite movie. It's so beautiful and sweet and I think it's so romantic so it had to be in my proposal fic!!!
> 
> The title is taken from the beautiful song of the same name. 
> 
> Come talk to me on tumblr: senatorgana


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